Frustrations and Blessings

Ok I have to admit it, I am a stuffer and I stress with the best of them! You may ask what is a stuffer? A stuffer is someone who stuffs everything inside, always acts like everything is perfect, and never deals with the things that bother him/her. Doesn't sound so bad huh? Well the problem is when all that stuff you have stuffed inside comes up, where does it go?

Last week was a rough week for me. I found I didn't do so hot on a test and everything I had been stuffing came up at once, like one big gush of everything I didn't want to deal with. My frustrations, my fear of failure, my not feeling good enough for anything or anyone, my fears, my weaknesses, and my need for constant control. Everything seemed like it came crashing down and man did it come fast. I am sure my husband thought I had been possessed by a garden hose that would not stop running because I cried for 2 days straight! This has never happened to me before. The feeling of being out of control made everything so much worse. I finally had to just look at my life, see my shortfalls, and sit at the feet of Jesus for awhile and let him love on me. Looking back to last week, the test was not a big deal I know I can bring it up, I don't need to be in control I trust God to direct my life, and even though nursing school is insanely stressful and emotionally draining I know this is my true calling in life, and for that I have joy. Sometimes not happiness, but always joy. I feel at ease, I feel released from everything I had put on myself and stuffed deep inside.

After dealing with my mini life crisis last week I had clinical Thursday (which was the one thing I looked forward to all week). Working in Labor and Delivery has been such a blessing in my life. Other than finding my life calling, I look forward to it every week and am going to miss it when it is gone. This week in clinical I worked with a Dr. I had worked with before, because he knew me he actually let me deliver the baby! Crazy huh? He let me scrub in, stood behind me, and let me deliver the baby. He told me what to do, and sometimes had to show me, but I delivered a baby on my own! This made me realize all the things I think are so overwhelming or so important are nothing. I am made perfect the way God made me because He wove me together in my mother's womb. Just like the baby I got to deliver Thursday. As I handed that baby girl to her Mom I said a little prayer over her in my heart, I prayed God would bless her life and hold her in His hands always. These moments are the blessings God gives us. The moments when a mom holds her new baby she has carried for 40 weeks, the moment the dad looks at his wife with a look of admiration for her strength in delivering their child, the moment the mom introduces her mom to the new grandbaby, the moment the new parents hold their child together so overjoyed that tears run down their cheeks. These are to good moments. The moments I believe God looks down on the earth and realizes how amazing his creation truly is.

This past week was a tough week for me, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. But God had me in his hands, he allowed me to share a very special moment with a patient and through this moments spoke mountains to my heart. I want to challenge each of you and myself to cherish these moments, don't let them pass you by because you are too busy trying to take back control of your life, worrying over things that are going to happen whether you worry or not, and stressing out to the point that God couldn't use you if He tried. These moments are the reason why we are here. From now on I will live my life for the moments God puts in it.