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Ok I have to admit it, I am a stuffer and I stress with the best of them! You may ask what is a stuffer? A stuffer is someone who stuffs everything inside, always acts like everything is perfect, and never deals with the things that bother him/her. Doesn't sound so bad huh? Well the problem is when all that stuff you have stuffed inside comes up, where does it go?
Last week was a rough week for me. I found I didn't do so hot on a test and everything I had been stuffing came up at once, like one big gush of everything I didn't want to deal with. My frustrations, my fear of failure, my not feeling good enough for anything or anyone, my fears, my weaknesses, and my need for constant control. Everything seemed like it came crashing down and man did it come fast. I am sure my husband thought I had been possessed by a garden hose that would not stop running because I cried for 2 days straight! This has never happened to me before. The feeling of being out of control made everything so much worse. I finally had to just look at my life, see my shortfalls, and sit at the feet of Jesus for awhile and let him love on me. Looking back to last week, the test was not a big deal I know I can bring it up, I don't need to be in control I trust God to direct my life, and even though nursing school is insanely stressful and emotionally draining I know this is my true calling in life, and for that I have joy. Sometimes not happiness, but always joy. I feel at ease, I feel released from everything I had put on myself and stuffed deep inside.
After dealing with my mini life crisis last week I had clinical Thursday (which was the one thing I looked forward to all week). Working in Labor and Delivery has been such a blessing in my life. Other than finding my life calling, I look forward to it every week and am going to miss it when it is gone. This week in clinical I worked with a Dr. I had worked with before, because he knew me he actually let me deliver the baby! Crazy huh? He let me scrub in, stood behind me, and let me deliver the baby. He told me what to do, and sometimes had to show me, but I delivered a baby on my own! This made me realize all the things I think are so overwhelming or so important are nothing. I am made perfect the way God made me because He wove me together in my mother's womb. Just like the baby I got to deliver Thursday. As I handed that baby girl to her Mom I said a little prayer over her in my heart, I prayed God would bless her life and hold her in His hands always. These moments are the blessings God gives us. The moments when a mom holds her new baby she has carried for 40 weeks, the moment the dad looks at his wife with a look of admiration for her strength in delivering their child, the moment the mom introduces her mom to the new grandbaby, the moment the new parents hold their child together so overjoyed that tears run down their cheeks. These are to good moments. The moments I believe God looks down on the earth and realizes how amazing his creation truly is.
This past week was a tough week for me, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. But God had me in his hands, he allowed me to share a very special moment with a patient and through this moments spoke mountains to my heart. I want to challenge each of you and myself to cherish these moments, don't let them pass you by because you are too busy trying to take back control of your life, worrying over things that are going to happen whether you worry or not, and stressing out to the point that God couldn't use you if He tried. These moments are the reason why we are here. From now on I will live my life for the moments God puts in it.
I know for many of you Valentine's day may not be a big deal, but for hopeless romantics like me I love it! My husband and I usually don't buy gifts or do anything big but we do try to spend some extra time together and do something special for one another. This year Jeremy decided to take over. He wanted to plan a Valentine's day extravaganza! He said the goal of Valentine's day was to de-stress me, make me feel special, and most of all show me how much he loves me. And man did he do just that!
The week began with small hints about V-day. I got three hints total: 1) there would be food involved but we are not going out, 2) there was something hidden in the house, and 3) we would be doing an activity. I was soo excited I couldn't hardly wait!
Valentine's day begins with me waking up to a trail of rose petals that lead into the kitchen to a candlelight breakfast, a dozen red roses, and a very sweet card. After breakfast Jeremy tells me we are going to go to a movie together and go see "He is Just Not That Into You" because he knows how much I love chick flicks. The movie was great and we had a lot of fun together! if the day had stopped there I would have been one very very happy wife, but it didn't, it just got better. Jeremy gave me some time to study this afternoon (which if you are in nursing school you understand just how romantic that really is), he then made a candlelight bubble bath for me and had the whole bathroom covered in rose petals. While I was taking my bubble bath and relaxing he worked on the next part of our evening. I came out from my relaxing bath to another trail of rose petals and found a homemade candlelight dinner. He made my favorite chicken parmigiana with garlic bread and spaghetti. Yummy! As I walked into the kitchen I noticed a gift bag from Kay's jewelers on the table. He handed me the gift bag and inside was a heart shaped cubic zirconia necklace! It is beautiful!! He has never bought me jewelery except for my wedding rings! it was soo romantic!
After dinner he pampered me even more with a pedicure (Ziggy even helped him) and a back massage! It was amazing! All day long I felt like the most special girl in the world, I felt relaxed and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt just how much Jeremy loves me.
I am truly blessed to have an amazing husband like Jeremy who is not afraid to show me just how much he loves me. I adore him more than he will ever know! He truly is my best friend and the man of my dreams. I hope you all had an amazing Valentine's day like I did and showed those dear to you just how much you love them!
June 3rd, 2005 I married my best friend the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. The one I want to laugh with and share the special moments with, the man I love with everything I have. Fast forward almost 4 years later. I am married to the man I love but we have changed a little, we have become complacent and maybe not invested so much in our marriage as we did in our "newly-wed" days. Don't get me wrong, I adore this man, but now when he doesn't do the dishes it bugs me, when he leaves his underwear on the bathroom floor I don't always think nice thoughts, and when I cook dinner and have to clean up every night I have to admit I get a little aggravated.
For those of you who are married you probably understand what I mean. After awhile it just isn't so new and marriage really takes a lot of work and sometimes we don't work as hard as we should. Jeremy and I had kind of fallen into this rut. We took each other for granted and had become complacent in our marriage. Life just got so busy that we didn't always think of the other person. Last week Jeremy and i were watching the new movie Fireproof and as we watched it I shamely have to admit I thought to myself "man I wish Jeremy would invest in our marriage like that". Much to my surprise the next day while I was at clinical I got a text message from my husband that said "I am excited to see you and I have a surprise for you when you get home". I immediately could not believe I had such a mean thought the night before and began looking forward to going home to my husband. When I got home Jeremy had bought me my favorite yellow gerber daisies and bought the book the "Love Dare".
For those of you who don't know this book is really written for couples who are on the brink of divorce, Jeremy and I are nowhere near that point at all, but this book has great advice and characteristics and things everyone could add to their marriage. Not to mention it forces you to solely focus on you marriage for 40 days. So Jeremy and I begin this journey together about 5 days ago. We have been reading our dare for each day together and then each night we talk about why that dare was hard for us. This has been incredible I have to admit! After just 5 days our marriage feels like new! We are investing in each other every day, thinking about each other all the time and it has forced each of us to be selfless and learn to love each other the way Christ loves us. I am so lucky to have this amazing man in my life, especially since I get to call him my husband. I admire and respect Jeremy so much more than I ever could explain.
This book has not only changed our marriage so far but has also changed me. it has shown me areas of myself that needed a little work, I never realized how hard patience is for me! :) I can't wait to see what the next 35 days has in store for us. I want to encourage all you married ladies out there to invest in your marriages daily, never let them fall into that stagnant place that is so easy to fall into. Although it is hard, and sometimes letting him slide when he said he would do the dishes and doesn't just doesn't seem fun, but your marriage is worth it. I am excited to see God ignite our marriage with passion and most of all a love that will surpass all understanding!
